Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas!

“And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight…

‘Tis the season to get flooded with Christmas letters — often a collage of ridiculous bragging about trips, careers, and stories about how their kids are better than everyone else’s.  Well, let’s just get this out of the way upfront, my kid is smarter, more well behaved, and has done more impressive things over the last year than anyone else’s.  As has become tradition now that my last year’s letter was such a success, if I do say so myself, I will be handling the Christmas letter writing duties for the foreseeable future.  I do not expect to match the perfect combination of humor and storytelling mixed in with just the right amount of smart-ass from last year, but I will give it a good ‘ol college try.

I have decided that I would follow with a similar format this year, but using Christmas songs instead of TV shows to describe a few of the things happening in our lives over the past year.

  •  That Spirit of Christmas…Delaney is so excited for the holidays this year.  This is going to be such a fun Christmas!
  •  Away in a Manger...No crib for a bed.  We have upgraded D to “big girl bed”.  Luckily, she thinks practical gifts are cool.
  •  O Christmas Tree…We put up the tree and therefore most of the ornaments are within 3.5’ of the floor.
  •  Silver Bells…I hate this song and that’s the only reason I put it on here.
  • Gee Whiz, It's Christmas…Crystal taught D how to ‘whiz’ on a curb on 4th of July.  I am a proud Father…and husband?
  • Let's Hear It for Mrs. Claus!...Crystal still works for her uncle, and 10 years later I still have no idea what she does!
  • Silent Night…Until Delaney has to potty, has a hangnail, or needs a drink.    Bedtime remains a struggle.
  • Christmas Canon…It looks like a ‘cannon’ shot toys all over our living room every night.
  • Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer…Izzy (the dog) isn’t a reindeer, doesn’t have a red nose, and can’t fly, but she’s ours.
  •  I Saw Three Ships…We took a “business” trip to Vancouver B.C. The harbor and scenery were breathtaking.
  •  Sleigh Ride…I’ve continued my daily commute to Omaha this year.  It might be time for a new sleigh. 
  •  A Christmas Long Ago…We celebrated my parents 40th and my grandparents 65th anniversaries.  Pretty Impressive!
  • What Child is This…Crystal is constantly trying to find a piece of herself in Delaney, but the force is strong with this one.
  • I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus…Odd there is no mistletoe at home, but we do have a copy of 50 Shades of Grey.
  • You’re Mean One, Mr. Grinch…Crystal says I am not in the “spirit”, yet here I am writing this letter.  Oh wait…
  • Frosty the Snowman…The “terrible 2’s” have been rough.  I needed a few extra “frostys” to get through this year!
  • Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow… Precipitation? What’s that?  We are hoping the yard survived the drought.
  •  The Little Drummer Boy…If anyone gets Delaney another toy that makes noise, they will have to answer to me.
  •  The Most Wonderful Time of the Year...Not this football season, have you seen my Chiefs?!?
  • White Christmas…Not for the Republicans!

 How could I write this letter without including some ‘Delaney-isms” that make us laugh…

  •  In her version of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”… it goes, “Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life goes down the drain”.
  • She will demand help with everyday tasks, and when we offer help…she yells, “Don’t touch DD!”
  • You ask her if she’s Daddy’s girl…she smiles and replies, “No, Daddy’s a boy!”
  • She poops ‘snakes’ of various sizes.  The funny thing is that “mommy” sized snakes are bigger than “daddy” size.

T      When asking if she has been a good girl this year she answers “no”.  Well, at least she is honest!

Obviously, I had a little too much fun with this letter, but I hope you found it at least slightly entertaining.  Overall, we had a pretty uneventful year here at the Mencke house, but sometimes uneventful isn’t all that bad.  It been the “Year of the Two-Year-Old”, and we wouldn’t trade it for the world.   In all seriousness, we want to wish you a wonderful Christmas and an amazing 2013! 

Love, Craig, Crystal, Delaney, & Izzy Mencke

gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!”—Clark W. Griswold

No comments:

Post a Comment

FEEDJIT Live Traffic Feed